Thoughts on Online Dating

Oh the perils of online dating... 

There are so many aspects to consider: your profile picture, dating profile and your matches. Essentially... who wins in this first impression game? Personally I've only dabbled in the basic Tinder and OKCupid. At the moment, my heart isn't particularly in the online dating scene. Though I must admit, I do re-download for the occasional ego boost or slight alleviation of my boredom. But here are just some personal thoughts on online dating...

Being terribly unphotogenic, I've never been able to create a profile very reflective of my appearance. And when I do, after an appearance change (cutting hair, getting braces, etc.) I always had to find new pictures... urgh. Another annoying part about uploading photos was that there's always that need to upload more than one. However, this is more of a personal opinion as I feel if there's only one photo uploaded, it reflects that the person actually looks worse in real life. I mean since there's only one good photo of him/her? EXTREMELY SUPERFICIAL (I know...) but hey, it's a looks-driven site. What to do?

Next is the bio segment. This part is especially tricky. There's a fine line between that aura of mystery and just plain boring. How do I accurately express 'WHO AM I' in words? Additionally, another taxing part is not knowing what to write. Your bio needs to be able to capture your readers attention, to make them feel that I want to know him/her more. And usually without the right personality, one would fall pretty flat in attracting this sort of attention. Moreover, there are certain turn ons and offs, depending on which type you're looking for.

Lastly, there's the matching. The last hurdle to cross. The final turn to swerve. You've done you're part in creating your 'date-able self' and now it's time to see others. I have many male friends who just swipe right, to see what 'fish' they catch and choose from there. While others slowly pick and choose which girl/guy they want. Honestly, I'm leaning more towards the latter. Many people match based on looks, but I feel it's always important to analyse a profile. If you're looking at looks solely, that's easy. Just check if there's more than one picture, whether they put a lot of effort in looking good and whether they used a snapchat filter. YES, NO, NO? Well... then they are probably above average in real life. On the other hand, if you want a better glimpse into personality, that's pretty hard because it's up to the writer on how much they want you to know. But a general rule I've realised is that usually those who write more down-to-earth aspects about themselves, tend to be looking for something more serious. I know, it's common sense and everyone knows it. But I mean it. It's not just their likes or dislikes that they write about. It's whether they show their personality in what they write. Because we are more than what we like or dislike, we are our feelings, thoughts and ideas.

To encapsulate it all, dating is just a tricky thing. Whether it's online or real life. We will all find it difficult but in the end it all come down to one thing... LUCK. So hey, just play the game, have some fun but when you find the right person, they will be right in every way. And for now maybe it's just time to throw caution to the wind, try your luck, and you never know... you might just hit the jackpot.

What To Do After Getting Played?

I've always taken that leap of faith when it came to relationships.

Will it work out? Will it not work out? Will it work out but soon fail?

In the end, nobody really knows unless we try it out for ourselves. Grasping that uncertainty, we close our eyes, hold our breaths and dive into our unknown fate. With great risks, lies greater rewards as well as even greater consequences. So what happens, when we end up facing these consequences of getting played?

Honestly, it's hard to know that all you are left with is the empty promises, transient memories and the thought of 'what could have been'. After investing your time and emotion into believing something, it's natural to feel shortchanged with things don't work out. And at the end of the day, you realise no amount of complaining, ranting or crying makes you feel better. And you ask yourself,

Why like this? Why now? Why me?

Personally, I always thought the worst part was that nothing could make me feel better. I though closure was all I needed but in the end the only closure I needed was from myself. The closure that everything really is over and is but a short page in the story of my life. The closure is really in knowing that I am ready for my next, more exciting chapter. So what to do reach this point?

All it takes is letting go and waiting.

Easier said than done, I know. We've all been there. Feeling that you've finally let go but then you scroll through your movies and see that movie y'all wanted to watch together or pass by that spot that y'all always met at, and BAM everything just floods back. The key thing to note for this, is that you can never let it all go. Because when you get involved in something, you're giving a little piece of yourself to them an it's something you'll never be able to take back. So yes. You can let go of the expectations, spitefulness and the thought that he/she was different from the rest. I mean after all what's done can't be undone. But in the end, you can't totally forget that that person was very much a part of your life. A part that made you smile at a simple text or laugh till your sides hurt. Keep that. Keep the thoughts that you felt that way once, and can feel it again but with the right person. Keep the memories of how everything started to unravel, and use it next time to your advantage. Learn not to get played again. Learn how to spot the player.

Essentially, all I am saying is forgive. Hating won't make anyone feel better. Just forgive and let go. But keep what you have learnt from this relationship and don't let it happen again. Hence, you wouldn't have wasted your time. Because you come out knowing you have improved yourself. You come out a better and improved version of yourself. And that itself is something worthwhile.

Lastly, just wait. Wait for the feelings to pass, so much so it is but a distant memory. Wait for the right person to come, he/she will come one day. Just don't rush or force anything because if something is yours, it'll be yours. Be a better person today, start a new hobby or focus on something you enjoy and wait.

Because you'll know when the right person comes, he/she was worth the wait.